Judd: Now that we've moved into fall, Hollywood is finally releasing its higher quality films. Unfortunately, some of the summer dreck is carrying over into autumn. Tom, you happened to get away with only seeing the two gems we're reviewing, while I got stuck watching the jiggle-fest known as Into the Blue.

Swanner: Who was jiggling? Josh Brolin, Scott Caan or hunky Paul Walker?

Judd: You can have Scott Caan. He looks like a mouth-breather just waiting to put on 100 pounds. Anyway, Into the Blue was a sunken treasure/pirate movie that was really nothing more than a showcase for Jessica Alba's tits and ass. The story was long, drawn out, and convoluted. It was about two kids (Walker and Alba) who live in the Caribbean and have nothing but love. Walker's friend (Caan) visits from the States with his tart du jour (Ashley Scott). They go treasure hunting, they find cocaine, treachery ensues and the audience gets an hour and fifty minutes of Alba's nipples in a bikini. The only good thing about this movie was that you can see Paul Walker's junk in his thin, thin, thin board shorts for a fraction of a second.

Swanner: Just a fraction of a second? So it's definitely a film to Netflix? I love the freeze frame function! I went to see Serenity, which is a theatrical offering of the TV series Firefly. It' s a sci-fi story of a rogue group of freedom fighters helping to liberate the universe from the Empire...I mean the Alliance. It was a fun film with great special effects and decent acting and story for a film like this. Even though I never watched the series I was never left feeling like I didn’t know what was going on. The cast was actually very cute with special props to Adam Baldwin (the mouth breather and not a Baldwin brother) who is just yummy.

Judd: There are mouth-breathing Baldwins—hello, Stephen. The night you were seeing Serenity, I went to see A History of Violence. I really didn't know what to expect until I saw "based on the graphic novel" in the opening credits. I had an idea that the movie was going to be more violent and graphic than what the previews let on, but I didn't know HOW much more graphic and violent the movie was going to be. Holy smokes! There was blood and chunks of body blown all over the screen! And then the sex scenes... I'm no prude, but I was shocked. SHOCKED! But regardless of the violence and sex, it was an excellent film with a great plot. The plot being about a close-knit family in a small town. Patriarch Tom Stall (Viggo Mortensen) attracts the attention of some mobsters after killing some crooks that were robbing his cafe. It turns out Stall used to be a hitman, unbeknownst to his family, and the mobsters are there for a little payback.

Swanner: I still need to see that. I can always get a popcorn refill during the sex scene. There's a woman involved...right? Moving on before my lunch comes back up, we both went to see Corpse Bride. I really liked it although I must say it was a bit short. One thing that surprised me was how romantic it was. It was a nice movie with which to snuggle up to someone sweet—didn't you think?

Judd: Snuggle up to someone sweet? Ugh, just because you nearly lost your lunch doesn't mean you have to make me lose mine. I liked Corpse Bride, but it was one of those movies that I would never want to see again—and no, it's not because of the romance. The story was OK. From what I understand it's based on a Russian folk tale. It was about a man who accidentally marries a corpse while practicing his wedding vows in the woods. Those Russians are so cheery! The animation was OK, but nothing special after all the other stop-motion films that have been released in the past decade. The film was enjoyable, but ultimately forgettable.

Swanner: Forgettable? I thought it was really good and I'd like to see it again. I'll probably wait for DVD but I think you're being a bit of a bitch on this one. Oh wait, you thought Sound of Thunder would one day be a cult classic...now it all makes sense. Drowning any kittens this weekend?

Judd: Kitten drowning is for amateurs. I'm going to SF this weekend to harpoon some sea lion pups.